If you even remotely know me you’ll know how opinionated I can actually be. To say my views can be quite polar would be like calling World War 2 a bit of a kerfuffle. Inevitably friends of mine will read this blog because let’s face it, what random person would give much of a fuck about my life? Obviously that means I can’t be specific or name names in the nonsense that occurs in my life lest I cause a shitstorm in a very real situation but I’ll need to divulge some things otherwise this blog would end up pretty empty. However if there is someone I simply don’t give a fuck about I won’t hold back because these are normally the people who’ve attempted to make my life a misery. That’s a balance I’ll have to find, you won’t be getting it all but let’s see how far I can push it without putting me in the dog house.
I’ve attempted to blog before but failed to stick at it. Last time it was mostly about football and although what I was writing wasn’t bad it did alienate a potential audience. For starters about 90% of girls probably didn’t give a fuck about Nicklas Bendtner’s abysmal goals to game ratio. And that’s me being generous. So why start again? Well for starters I need to release some tension every now and again. I’ve started a new phase in my life, I just graduated and moved away from what were the best friends I ever had and although I still see them fairly regularly I don’t really get the chance to talk about me to other people as much as I’d like to. So maybe this will be the outlet I need. Or maybe I’ll make a fool of myself. Who knows but it’s worth a shot.
So where to start? Well I think the obvious start is the events of the summer that nearly dug me into a hole (yet again). A bit of background on the situation: After a rather nasty situation with an ex I decided I wanted to learn from my mistakes. I was an arse to her (although there were circumstances that riled me into behaving that way) and frankly at 22 years old you need to grow up at some point. As fate would have it I ended up in a whirlwind romance. All was unbelievably perfect for about 2 months and then I came back down to earth with a very painful bump. This is where the old saying “if it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t” comes in. With almost no warning she wanted out. I did my best to rescue the situation but little did I know there were much sinister circumstances behind it.
The premise was that she didn’t want to be in a relationship. If this was true then I’d have no problem, sometimes people just need space. However I was fed what can only be described as “horse shit”. Before we’d even ended it she had someone else lined up and I have a strong suspicion it may even have begun before we ended.
Those are the circumstances but the real issue was my reaction afterwards. The phrase “the shit hit the fan” comes to mind. What followed was an ill advised facebook rant and further rants at anybody who happened to be within earshot in the next couple of weeks. I was determined to make sure everybody knew what she’d done. And yes what she did was vile but sometimes I’ve got to learn to be more dignified. However I’ve always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve and I’ve always led my life based on my emotions. I think it’s what has taken me so far in life but it’s also my downfall at times.
What followed for me was a definite lull. Every other aspect of my life was great: education, job, family, friends, money but the one thing that betrayed me (literally) was love. I’ve got this awful habit where if things don’t go the way I expected I get unnecessarily depressed and get this false perspective that everything in the world is shit. Don’t get me wrong there are times when I feel alone but nowhere near as bad as what my head makes it out to be.
I think in this situation I was partly justified though. I’d never faced a betrayal of this kind before and that was what I was struggling to get my head around. There was one other situation (a story for another day) but it paled in comparison to what was done to me here. I’m not ashamed to say there was a couple of nights where I cried myself to sleep. I just couldn’t comprehend it, why would she do this to me and how could she sink so low to treat another person like that? The simple truth was that she just lacked some basic morals. She had some definite issues but I’m not the scumbag here so I won’t be revealing them nor the countless things she’s said about people who think she’s their friend. Perhaps this should have been the warning signal to me. If she treated her “friends” like that why would I be any different?
And I think that’s the crux of it. Some people are just bad eggs. It’s not a girl thing either, I’m not so blind to think guys can’t act like dicks. The key is to filter these people out of your life. It also put previous relationship failings into some kind of perspective. Yes how some of them ended wasn’t great and a bit more honesty/humility wouldn’t have hurt however they weren’t even in the same league as what happened this summer. And that’s about that really. The lesson I learnt? Don’t be blinded by beauty and make sure the personality matches the outward appearance and then maybe I might be able to have a proper relationship. A bit of luck with timing wouldn’t hurt either.
