I wouldn’t say I’m the biggest believer in a “higher power” or anything else along those lines but sometimes certain events do make you question whether this it’s a bit narrow minded to assume once we’re dead, that’s the end of the line. I don’t want to turn this into a massive theological debate because it could quite easily end up as long as my dissertation. From my last entry you’d get the impression that my last relationship was all doom and gloom and I was better off not being in it at all but did it have some worth? Surely everything has some kind of benefit even if heavily outweighed by the negatives?
Two things in particular about the relationship stick out that make me think that maybe it wasn’t about falling in love but simply just helping me move along the line. For those of you fortunate enough not to have gone through a set of final year engineering exams let me explain how bad things actually are. Imagine having to recount the entire story of Lord of the Rings after reading it just once. Now imagine being asked what colour underwear Gandalf was wearing when the ring was finally destroyed. That’s the kind of level we’re looking at. Hell doesn’t even begin to describe it. Now throw in the fact I was under extra pressure due to the fact I performed miserably in my second year and had to make up marks in order to get a good grade. There’s no doubt about it, I needed some kind of outlet to de-stress myself or I could quite easily have self-imploded.
Now this is where the supposed “fate guided harlot” comes in. Would it be stupid to suggest that fate allowed me to go out with her to calm me down? I began dating her at the end of May, just after I’d handed in my dissertation and just as I was about to hit full on revision mode. It started off great and to deny that I enjoyed how things were at the time would be a complete fallacy. In the early stages it was like something out of a crappy Hollywood rom-com but perhaps without the Christmas scene. Honestly you could write a film about it. There’s no doubt about it if I wasn’t enjoying my relationship as much I wouldn’t have done as well in my exams. I barely scraped a 2.1 in my degree. Without that degree I’d be sitting on the scrap pile with all the other people begging for jobs but I got it and the world is now my oyster.
Part 2 is how I got my job. One day she had an audition for some crappy Disney thing. To be honest I wasn’t really paying attention, I’m a scientist and the arts aren’t something I generally take seriously (apart from music). This was when things were definitely on the wane so I was trying to be nice. Anyway it didn’t go to plan and as such she was in an abysmal mood so being the good boyfriend I suggested meeting up for lunch to see if I could calm her down a bit. The audition was in Angel so I said I’d meet her round there. Two years ago I had a job DJing in a bar which was around there so I said let’s go as I knew they do great pizzas. As it happens my old manager was still working there and he mentioned how he was putting on a live music night but needed a bit of help. At uni one of the things I’d done was to put on events for the radio station so this was right up my street. With a bit of bargaining I persuaded him I could turn the night into a success. True to my word I’m now a couple of months in and the night is going fantastically well.
So would it be outrageous to say that the girl who made my life a misery for a good month or 2 was actually there to help me begin a new phase in my life and not for the sake of love? Without the sequence of events that occurred with her I wouldn’t have got my good degree and I wouldn’t be in the successful job I’m in now (making a tidy wage considering I’m still at uni part time). Sure enough, less than a week after this meeting with my old manager the truth came out about this girl and we were split up. Was her purpose complete and therefore of no use in my life? This is all a bit too philosophical for my liking but sometimes when you sit back and look at what happened you can’t help but think. A few months have passed and things have definitely improved. There’s still a gaping hole in my life but that’s just the final piece in the puzzle. When you find it, that’s probably the time to finally grow up but that’s for another time and who knows when or where I’ll find it?
